Crushes
by Hikari Midori-chan
Summary: Naruto and Lee discuss the many relationships in Naruto or lack there of. R&R please!


Here it is! Another idea from Lady Awesome! Of course, this one isn't like the other two. One, because of the title, and two, because it doesn't really have Naruto ranting about something too much. But ANYWAY, I guess I did a pretty decent job on this.

And for the record...I DON'T HAVE MANY OPINIONS ON PAIRINGS SO DON'T GET MAD AT ME BECAUSE I MADE FUN OF THE PAIRINGS? OKAY? OKAY.

I mean, seriously. I made fun of all the pairings that I usually see on fanfiction and sort of...slammed...them...a little...But it isn't like I left any one out in the pairings. Except for Shino. Poor Shino.

Again, please don't complain to me about the pairings, I'm unbiased. Sort of.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

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"Sakura-chan, wanna go out or something?"

"Naruto, for the hundredth time…you're annoying!" Sakura exclaimed. "And I _don't _go out with annoying people!"

"But you don't go out at all!"

"Be quiet!"

_Just shut up already, _Sasuke thought irritably. _These two have to be the most annoying people on Earth. _

Team 7 was waiting on the bridge for Kakashi-sensei. They didn't know who they were kidding, though. Kakashi never came early.

"Sakura-san!"

"Oh no…" Sakura groaned.

Lee came running out YOUTHFULLY with flowers and a box of chocolates. He screeched to a stop and dropped down on one knee. "Sakura-san, we have known each other for a very long time, and I was wondering if you would like to go out?"

"Sorry, Lee," Sakura said. "But no."

Lee dropped to his knees. "WHY?" he shouted to the heavens.

"Erm…" Sakura said, "I'm uh, going out with Sasuke-kun! Right Sasuke-kun?"

"No."

"Then you are free?" Lee said hopefully.

"No, I'm sorry," Sakura said sadly.

"Yo," Kakashi said, appearing out of no where. "Did I miss anything?"

"What're we doing today, Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura asked, getting over her sadness and ignoring Lee.

"Er…I thought I'd give you guys the day off today."

"Okay!" Sakura ran off home to…do…something.

"Later!" Kakashi said, disappearing once more.

"Ah, ha, ha! You got rejected!" Naruto laughed.

"But Naruto-kun, if I am not mistaken, _you _got rejected before me," Lee pointed out.

"Ah, be quiet," Naruto said. "Why does Sakura-chan like that Sasuke anyway?"

"I'm right here, you know," Sasuke said.

"I know," Naruto said.

"I think it is because he's talented and good-looking," Lee said. "But I am both of those too, aren't I?"

"Er…"

"I can take a hint," Lee said, slumping his shoulders. "Sakura-san is too good for me…"

"Yeah probably," Naruto said. "But seriously. _Sasuke?_"

"I. Am. Right. Here," Sasuke said.

"I _know_." He turned back to Lee. "I mean, what's with her and Sasuke anyway? She'd be perfect if she didn't like him! I mean, she's all "Sasuke-kun! Sasuke-kun!" and then Sasuke doesn't even know she's there! And besides, he's _obviously_…" He whispered in Lee's ear.

"That's it," Sasuke said. "I'm out of here."

"Yes, Sakura-san's obsession is very odd. And Ino's. Not to mention Tenten—"

"Tenten? Who does she like?" Naruto asked.

"Neji, probably," Lee said.

"I always thought you had a thing for her…" Naruto said. "But Neji, huh? That's interesting…" He tried to picture a relationship between Neji and Tenten.

"_Neji! Stop training and come in! You've been out there for hours!"_

"_Get off my back, woman! I need to get stronger! Naruto, the ever so great Hokage-soon-to-be beat me, so I have to get stronger!"_

_Tenten sighed. "Yeah right, Neji. You'll never beat Naruto if you keep skipping dinner." _

"Listen to Tenten, dinner's important and you'll never beat me!"

"Naruto?"

"Huh?" Naruto stared at Lee. "Oh. Well, I can see that…I guess."

Lee shrugged. "Can you picture Sakura-san and Sasuke together?"

"Hm…"

"_Oh Sasuke-kun!"_

"_What, Sakura?"_

"_How about we go out tonight? You know, since we're boyfriend and girlfriend!"_

"_We are?"_

"_Yes! Don't you remember?"_

"_Oh…" Sasuke sighed. "Right…"_

"_Sasuke-kun, do you love me?" _

"_Do I really have to answer that?"_

"_Of course you do! It's a silly question!" She giggled and hugged Sasuke. What's that? Oh. Hugged, choked, what's the difference?_

_**Get a girlfriend, I said. It'll help restore the clan! Argh, I was sure stupid…**Sasuke thought. _

"Nah," Naruto said.

"Hm…what about Ino and Sasuke?"

"Uh…" Naruto had a blank stare. "It's the same…"

"I see."

"Hey, I wonder if Ino likes…"

"Who?"

"Nah, couldn't be…"

"Who?"

"But they always hang out…"

"WHO?"

"Huh? Oh. I was wondering if Ino likes…Chouji?"

Viewers: Anime fall. BONG!

"Um…I don't think so," Lee said. "But what did you say about…Tenten and me?"

"Well…"

"_Tenten! I am here to visit you, my beautiful and youthful girlfriend!" Lee called, slamming the door open._

"_Oh, hi Lee," Tenten said, hanging up the phone._

"_Who were you talking to, Tenten?" Lee asked._

"_No one really," Tenten said._

"_GASP!" Lee gasped. "That means it was someone!"_

"_All right, it was Neji. But remember the last time I—"_

"_Tenten! You are cheating on me! How could you?" Lee exclaimed as he watered the living room floor with tears. _

"—_told you I was talking to Neji," Tenten sighed. "Lee, I'm not cheating on you."_

"_THEN WHY WERE YOU TALKING TO ANOTHER MAN?" _

"_Neji…is our teammate…" Tenten said slowly. "And said that Gai told him we had the day off…"_

"_Oh. All right!" Lee laughed. "I understand!" _

Naruto shook his head. "It could happen."

"Oh. Can you see Sakura-san and me? It would be wonderful, I say!" Lee exclaimed, gazing dreamily at the clouds that conveniently formed into many Sakuras.

"_Good morning, Sakura-san!" Lee exclaimed._

"_Oh Lee!" Sakura giggled. "You don't have to call me that now that we're together!" She kissed him on the cheek._

"_Oh right!" Lee laughed merrily. _

"Nah, can't see it," Naruto said, interrupting Lee's thoughts.

"Oh…"

"But I can see Sakura-chan and me!"

"_Hey Sakura-chan, would you like to go out with me…again?" Naruto asked smoothly. _

"_Oh, I thought you'd never ask, Naruto-kun!" Sakura giggled. "Just the two of us, right? Not that stupid Sasuke that I so foolishly had a crush on too."_

"'_Course not," Naruto said. "I just gave that Sasuke-what's-his-name a beating he well deserved! Even if he wanted to, he wouldn't be able to do it because he's in the hospital!"_

"_Oh Naruto-kun! You are SO strong!" Sakura giggled again. Annoyingly. _

"Ah…" Naruto said. "Yep, I definitely see it."

Lee had a disappointed look on his face that he'd probably not have if he had seen Naruto's vision in his head but he didn't so he was disappointed and sad that Naruto would supposedly get Sakura and not him but then he brightened up because he figured that if he became more YOUTHFUL then he'd get Sakura and not Naruto. BREATHE.

"Actually, now that I think about it…Shikamaru and Ino seem really close!" Naruto said.

"I hadn't noticed!" Lee exclaimed.

"Oh yeah. I can totally see it."

"_Shikamaru! Wake up, you lazy boyfriend of mine!" Ino shouted._

"_Meh," Shikamaru said. "Ino, its seven-thirty…"_

"_Yes, but you have to help me in the flower shop!" Ino said. "And its seven thirty AT NIGHT."_

"_Yeah, I should be asleep by now."_

"_ARGH! Why I picked you instead of Sasuke-kun, I do not know!"_

"_Me neither."_

"_WHAT DID YOU SAY?"_

"_Uh, er, I love you."_

"Or maybe not…" Naruto said, sweat dropping. "Shikamaru's family _is _known for marrying loud and bossy girls…what about that sand girl?"

"What sand girl?"

"The sand girl who, you know, uh…beat Tenten," Naruto said, snapping his fingers.

"Oh. What about her?"

"She obviously loves Shikamaru because they fought and then she saved him!" Naruto exclaimed. "Yes! I'm a genius!"

"But the age difference is three years," Lee pointed out. "And it's not right to have a girlfriend three years _older _than you!"

"Yeah, but Shikamaru might as well be like, _sixteen _in the least because he's so mature," Naruto argued. "Yeah!" _Man, that was smart of me. _

"I suppose…" Lee tried to picture it. Then again, he had only seen a display of Temari's personality during her fight with Tenten. That made him a little angry.

"_Oh Shikamaru, I'm off to beat that piece of trash, Tenten again!"_

"_And why are you telling me this?"_

"_Why shouldn't I?" Temari said, annoyed. _

Lee's hands turned to fists. Curse Shikamaru and his soon-to-be girlfriend, Temari. His vision OBVIOUSLY assured him that they would be together. Silly Lee.

"Hey, I noticed that everyone on Kiba's team doesn't have anyone to love!" Naruto exclaimed. "They'll be cold and all alone if they don't develop anything…"

"Naruto-kun, I think it is my duty to point at the Hinata obviously likes someone," Lee said as if it were obvious. And it was.

"Who, Kiba?" Naruto asked, clueless.

"No! Hm…interesting," Lee said. He thought. "Maybe…"

"Yeah, Kiba can have Hinata, they're practically closer than ever!" Naruto exclaimed obliviously. "I mean, seriously."

"_Kiba-kun! Akamaru gave us a present…again," Hinata said._

_Kiba laughed. "It's the thought that counts, right?"_

_Hinata giggled without effort at Kiba's expense. "Well, it's your turn to take care of it."_

"_Sorry, but I have to go on a mission today! I'll do it next time, okay?" Kiba said, quickly kissing her forehead and walking out the door. "See ya, Hinata!"_

"_Oh…okay then…" Hinata said. She looked down at Akamaru who barked. Sigh._

"Yeah, Hinata's too nice to turn a guy like Kiba down!" Naruto said, crossing his arms and nodding in satisfaction. "So that means only Shino will be left alone and cold in the dark, dark world."

"Yes, well, I'd like to talk more about our fellow genin and Shikamaru's love affairs, but I must be going!" Lee said, looking at his invisible watch that everyone has. "See you later!"

"Okay," Naruto said. He stood there for two seconds and then ran off…to find Sakura…or Sasuke or something…we don't really care.

"Naruto-kun…" Hinata had been walking cheerfully down the street when she saw Naruto and Lee just standing there with stupid grins on their face. She had heard their whole conversation and she was sad that Lee hadn't told Naruto. Now Naruto thought she liked Kiba! Who would think a silly thing like that?

She found their deductions quite preposterous. I mean, _Sasuke _liking _anyone_? And it was the same with her cousin. And if Sasuke didn't like anyone, Sakura and Ino would obviously be scarred for life. Then Sakura _might _go with Naruto, but Hinata was certain that she would have him by then. Sakura would be too shallow to think of Lee as anything other than a respectful person, and Tenten just seemed to respect Lee as well. Temari _was _older than Shikamaru, and she just seemed to want to show him what women could do. Shikamaru found Ino troublesome like every other person in the world, and Ino was too blinded by Sasuke to care about any other guy. Then Kiba wouldn't get her, so he'll be alone and Shino didn't get anyone in the first place!

_Hm…_ she thought to herself. _The others will be very disappointed when all this happens…_

And from this day on, when that happens it will be known as…THE APOCALYPSE!

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Thank you for reading! Please review!

-TTF


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